I've had another birthday. We all have birthdays, don't we? But I dread my birthday every year because I have these expectations that never seem to be met. I want my day to be special, but it never quite lives up to my idea of special. I understand that people have to ask for what they want; unfortunately, asking to be treated special is not the same as just being treated special. Does that make sense? If I have to ask for it, then am I being treated in a special way? I want people to WANT to do things for my on my birthday. I want to be so well loved and appreciated that my family and friends just fall all over themselves to treat me super duper all day - and maybe even the day before and the day after.
I know how ridiculous this sounds. Everyone is busy in their lives and no one has the time or the energy to devote to little ol' me. But I can still want it. And I never truly get it. Why? Because I don't ask for it, of course. So it's a cycle of me wanting things a certain way but not asking for those things. If I were to ask for what I want, it wouldn't feel special though because people would only be doing it because I asked for it. See, a cycle.
Upon reflection, my favorite birthdays have been when I gave up on my expectations and planned my own day and told my family what we were going to do for my birthday. So why didn't I do that this year? I don't know. Maybe I wanted to feel a little depressed. Maybe I wanted to see if someone would step up and meet my secret expectations this year. What I have learned is that I'm not happy on my birthday when I do this - so next year I'm taking control again and doing whatever the heck I want to do on my birthday. Lesson learned: my happiness is in my own control and no one else's.
