Monday, June 30, 2014

Middle Aged

I've had another birthday.  We all have birthdays, don't we?  But I dread my birthday every year because I have these expectations that never seem to be met.  I want my day to be special, but it never quite lives up to my idea of special.  I understand that people have to ask for what they want; unfortunately, asking to be treated special is not the same as just being treated special.  Does that make sense?  If I have to ask for it, then am I being treated in a special way?  I want people to WANT to do things for my on my birthday.  I want to be so well loved and appreciated that my family and friends just fall all over themselves to treat me super duper all day - and maybe even the day before and the day after.

I know how ridiculous this sounds.  Everyone is busy in their lives and no one has the time or the energy to devote to little ol' me.  But I can still want it.  And I never truly get it.  Why?  Because I don't ask for it, of course.  So it's a cycle of me wanting things a certain way but not asking for those things.  If I were to ask for what I want, it wouldn't feel special though because people would only be doing it because I asked for it.  See, a cycle.

Upon reflection, my favorite birthdays have been when I gave up on my expectations and planned my own day and told my family what we were going to do for my birthday.  So why didn't I do that this year?  I don't know.  Maybe I wanted to feel a little depressed.  Maybe I wanted to see if someone would step up and meet my secret expectations this year.  What I have learned is that I'm not happy on my birthday when I do this - so next year I'm taking control again and doing whatever the heck I want to do on my birthday.  Lesson learned:  my happiness is in my own control and no one else's.

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...